As my husband’s deployment winds down to a much-anticipated end, I find myself reflecting on how much life has changed since he left. It’s no secret that coping with a deployed spouse is difficult, but you don’t truly appreciate how difficult it is until it is your reality.

I admit that I spent the first few weeks kicking myself in the butt for all of the things that I let slide. Bedtimes got later, the house was untidier, and I so stressed!

Time passed and I came to a realization that what I was lacking was perfectly okay. As a wife and a mother, deployments are a time of survival mode. There simply isn’t enough time in the day to function as you would with a partner.

So, dear mothers, here are a few things I must confess about being a mom with a deployed spouse:

1)   We eat take-out way more than I would like to admit.

 This one was a slow and steady downhill process for us.  I prided myself on making sure my first child had a good balance of healthy foods in her diet. However, I got so tired of planning all of the meals all of the time that I had to let go of this standard a bit to preserve my sanity.

Simplicity is the standard I have adhered to for the time being. I cannot dedicate the time or energy it takes to shop, cook, and clean up after a home-cooked meal every night.

Home-cooked for us means whatever I can throw into one pot, toss some veggies in, and call it a day.

2)   I get tired of my kids.

It’s true, and I am not ashamed to admit it! I didn’t appreciate how much time I had to myself when my husband was home every night.

He would entertain our daughter while I made dinner. We would take turns with baths and bedtime routine. His presence in general posed a good enough distraction for her that I could breathe a little.

Now I pay for the majority of my free time. Without close friends or family nearby, my postpartum doula has been a staple in our home since our second child was born. At six months postpartum, she still comes twice a week to help with meals, cleaning, and taking care of the kids so I can get back to me.

3)   I host a celebratory party in my honor every night.

Cheers to me! I have managed to survive another day running a household by myself, with two lovely daughters that are happy and thriving.

Parenting is HARD. It is that much harder doing it alone. I have no apologies for cracking open a cold one after the day is done.

4)   I am just as excited as I am nervous for my husband to come home.

The excited part is obvious, but nervous?

My husband left when I was 36 weeks pregnant with our second daughter. I have since given birth, moved our family into a new home, and undergone countless changes than I can even think to recount.

I am nervous because I don’t know exactly where he fits into our new family unit anymore. Before he left, I leaned on him for everything. He was my voice of reason, my decision-maker, and a true partner in parenting.

In his absence, I have learned that I can certainly run our home by myself, even with all of the challenges that present themselves daily.

This is the most anxiety-provoking confession of all. I want the transition to be easy, but I am realistic to the fact that our new normal will be a process.

5)   I have found my freedom in letting go.

 In life, I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. These obstacles that are put in our way are meant to teach us something to help us grow as people.

I never imagined that this would be my life.

I never imagined that I would be raising children alone, or that I would give birth without my husband. Boy, life can sure throw curve balls.

This deployment has shown me true inner strength, for better or worse. I have learned to let go of the chokehold that I had on everything in my life. I’ve learned to forgive myself for not adhering to schedules and standards. I’ve learned how to be happy with doing my best, even if my best falls short of my own expectations.

For this, I am thankful.