First of all, let me start by saying that it’s TOTALLY ok to wonder things like: “Why don’t I feel normal” or “Why am I sad?” or “When will I bond with my baby?”.

Let me let you in on a secret…it is more common than people let on to feel less-than-thrilled after you bring home your new baby. As new parents quickly find out, that new tiny human is quite often not the “bundle of joy” that it’s made out to be. It poops, cries, throws up, pees…and all too often, those happen simultaneously!

It is normal to feel the postpartum blues or “baby blues.” This is the period of time after birth that lasts about 2 weeks. The mother may feel sad, happy, anxious, upset, in love, drained; and all of those emotions can happen within 5 seconds.

More often than not, these feelings tend to subside and more balance seems to come to the postpartum time, unless you are the 1 in 7 women who start to experience postpartum depression.

Postpartum depression and anxiety can sneak up on you and appear to come out of nowhere. It typically is more gradual from the outside looking in, but when it’s happening to you, you wake up one day and wonder if this is how your life really has to be from now on.

I don’t love my baby – I’m angry all the time – I never see my friends anymore – I’m so anxious – I am so tired but I can’t sleep – Did I make a mistake? – I’m a horrible mom – What if I hurt my baby?

These thoughts can be so common within the mind that is plagued with postpartum depression. Sometimes you feel like you are not bonding with your new baby, or you actually feel that everything is fine in that department, but you have random bouts of uncontrollable anger. Maybe you are having disturbing thoughts that sneak into your mind, but you don’t want them there at all. The feeling of not being able to control your emotions and mind, even towards the people whom you love the most, is terrifying.

You are NOT alone. Your life does NOT have to look and feel like this forever. Reach out to those who love you. They will not hold it against you. Therapists and counselors are trained to know what is real and what is not. They will know how to sort out where you are in that moment, and what will help you best.

There are support groups for people with postpartum depression, both in person and online. There are therapists and psychiatrists who specialize in helping women with mood disorders surrounding pregnancy, and the postpartum period. Medication may be needed, or it may not be. But if your care provider suggests having medicinal assistance with this, don’t discount it, because used appropriately, it is simply a tool to get you back to where you need to be.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Soak in the little moments of clarity and normalcy that will come more and more often as you heal. Give yourself time. Give yourself space. And most importantly, give yourself permission to forgive yourself for the things you feel guilty about.

You will indeed begin to feel normal again, because postpartum depression and anxiety are not forever, and they are not character flaws. You are strong.